Coping With A Pet's Death

It's been about six weeks since Lucy left me and Ralphie.  Ralphie has adapted pretty well, but I feel he detached from Lucy when she fell sick.  But me ... not so much.

I was told by a friend that during the coping time of a pet's death, you may have bursts of tears with sadness.  That's exactly what is happening. These bursts can just come out of nowhere.  My friend was so right.  It's been a very difficult time for me.  Sometimes just the thought of Lucy, whether I'm thinking of all our good times or thoughts of her being sick, I just burst into tears uncontrollably.  So many times I feel guilty I didn't do more for her.  Her life was way too short.  I keep thinking of the look in her eyes when she was dying.  Looking at me so helpless. Me, so helpless...I couldn't keep her alive.  So devastating.

I pray every day that I become stronger and my broken heart heals.

Goodbye Sweet Lucy

My heart is broken my little girl Lucy passed away at home with me by her side last week.  Lucy struggled with health problems over the past 5 months.  She was in and out of the vet office, saw three different doctors and obviously misdiagnosed with vestibular disease.  I always had a feeling it was more than that.

The past 5 months I would hold Lucy in my lap like a baby and cuddle her each evening while watching TV.  Thursday, February 7th was not any different.  I walked Lucy around 6pm, after her walk I tried to feed her and she wouldn't eat.  So I gave her a peanut butter sandwich along with her pills and she gobbled it down.  I was happy to see her eat.  Then she jumped on my lap as usual and I held her, running my hand up and down her back, played with her ears, and just snuggled.  She began  panting, which scared me.  I continued to hold he and thought maybe she needed to go potty outside.  She went outside and did her business.  I brought her back in and she jumped on the opposite sofa from me.  She sat there for a couple of minutes and suddenly jumped off that couch and ran to the hallway.  I think she was trying to get to her crate, but didn't make it.  She collapsed in the hallway.  I was freaking out and called my daughter.  I thought she was having a seizure.  I was petting her, trying to move her to get her out of the "seizure".  But she passed away within a minute.  I'm balling my eyes out to my daughter..."MY LUCY IS DEAD, MY LUCY DIED"!  It was about 9:30pm and had no idea what to do with Lucy.  I draped her favorite blanket over her with one paw not covered.  I had to leave her one paw out in the open just to see her.  My daughter called the wonderful people at Honor Thy Pet in Tampa to make arrangements to have Lucy picked up.  They came around 11:30pm.  Ralphie sat next to me like a statue as they carried her out of the house.  I had Lucy cremated to be with me forever.  She will be on my shelf next to Ollie.

As I write this, I am crying and crying.  I'm having the hardest time with this.  Lucy would have been 4 years old next week on 2/21.  She was way too young to leave so soon.

Ralphie is okay.  I feel he disconnected from Lucy when she became sick.  But each morning he peeks in the room where Lucy's crate was.  He seems to be more giving me extra attention and always by my side.  I'm sure he senses my sadness.   Love.

Goodbye My Sweet Lucy.