When Is It Time?

This entry isn't about Ralphie.  It's about Ralphie's brother, Ollie.  Ollie is Ralphie's older brother, a 15 year old Yorkie, blind, deaf, with dementia.  Ollie's been having some bad days lately.  He has bouts of anxiety, walking in circles, getting stuck in corners.  I don't believe he's in any pain, but simply an aging, confused pup.  When I pick him up when he's whining, he stops.  I feel if he were in pain he would be crying in my arms.

So when do you decide it's time?  Time to send him to doggy heaven.   After a difficult night of anxiety, at work yesterday I decided this is it, today is the day Ollie will go to Rainbow Bridge.  I made the appointment with the vet. This is the day. I thought for sure my decision was made.  So I come home to pick up Ollie to take him in but I see Ollie nestled in a ball, content, snoring away.  I pick him up and take him outside.  His nose up sniffing the air, wind blowing his fur, he does his business, sits and enjoy the sun rays.  I take him in the house, give him a milk bone, he sits down and savors every bite.  I pick him up and hold him and he nestles in my arm and enjoys the comfort of my arms around him.  I couldn't do it.  I couldn't take him in to end his life yesterday.  It wasn't the day.  I cancelled the vet appointment.  So when is it time?

I thought of all the happy years Ollie gave me.  Why should I end his life because he's grown old.  Ollie comforted me many times in my past when I was down and out.  He let me hold and hug him and cry into his fur.  Why shouldn't I return that comfort to him now when he needs me most.  I've decided I will do whatever Ollie needs to feel safe and I'll hold him if he wants me to.  I'll pamper and hold him until he leaves me.  Of course if I see Ollie is in pain, I'll decide to put him to sleep to end his pain.  But in the meantime,  if he's just old and needs extra care I'll be there for him every day, until he leaves me in my arms.   Love.